Dear pack
by Leah's Angel
Summary: Seth has a few thing he would like the pack to know! Finally complete and Now available in German, special thanks to Madaya!
1. The Letter

Dear pack,

I know I'm Leah's brother so you may think I'm biased but I've been holding this in for a long time and now after everything I think you need to hear this.

Leah may have been a bitch but she should have been our bitch, but she wasn't. From the first moment she phased we never included her. When one of us phased we were welcomed and supported and welcome. But not Leah when Leah first phased all she heard was complaints about her being a wolf as if she had some choice in it.

That's the thing we never understood. To all of us the only thing that happened to Leah was he boyfriend broke up with her, her dad died and she phased. Simple things right? How did you put it again Jared oh that's right "everyday pains". It was just like you said Paul, "If Seth can get over it then why can't you?" but to Leah it wasn't the events that broke her it was the choices she lost because of them. She lost the choice of getting married and having a family with Sam she lost the choice of having a friendship with Emily (how do you look a person in the eye who stole your happiness and your first love?) Leah lost the choice to do things with dad to spend time with him and then when she was at the worst stage she phased and lost the choice of having friends (outside of the pack) to have kids and to leave La Push! But not one of us cared enough to think or listen to her thoughts hard enough to see past the 'bitch' wall she put up to protect herself.

From us.

And so she suffered through Sam's thoughts of Emily. Jared's thoughts on Kim one day having kids. Quil's thoughts of Clair having daddy daughter days. Don't you see everything we did pushed her closer to him, to her imprint. Do you remember when she first imprinted? When she told us all she imprinted all she heard was Embry ,"Thank god you are finally over Sam" or Quil, "no more bitter she wolf!" She never even got to tell us what he did to her, that he hit her!

As weeks went by did anyone even listen to what she thought? As she tried telling us that her imprint slapped her and hit her or because it was just Leah complaining so should be ignored. Or ridiculed for thinking something bad about her 'perfect' imprint what was it you said again Brady wasn't it, "never good enough for the she wolf" "unless it's Sam" that is what you added right Collin?

You see guys her imprint may have been the last thing that forced her to jump but we all know who is truly responsible. My sister died OUR sister killed herself for one simple reason... We Didn't Care!

Seth

Ps. Just thought I would let you know I found Jake. Because we may not have cared about Leah enough but he did! After he killed Leah's imprint, Jacob and Leah died in each others arms! Yes guys you read that right Jacob and Leah are both gone and it's our fault!


	2. Paul aka walking away

Alright you asked for it the packs reactions this is for you... thank you so much.

And please remember read and review.

A.N I do not own twilight.

PAUL

No on knew but Leah was always my best friend. I remember when were little I pulled the head of her barbie doll of. Instead of crying like all her friends would she stood up and punched me in the nose. Since that day we were inseparable. Until Sam asked her out.

After that if I ever tried to contact her Sam would get jealous and they would fight. so I stopped talking to LeeLoo at all.

LeeLoo that was always called Leah. Until Sam found out. As much as Leah loved Sam I knew she hated his nick name for her. I mean Lee Lee? I used to joke that Sam was to illiterate to be able to say her name properly.

She used to laugh so hard at that. Leah was famous for her laugh.

Until Sam broke her. When I found out I was so angry. How dare he? He drove all her friends away. Promised her the world then let Emily snatch it away without a second glance at the girl they left behind.

These thoughts kept playing over and over in my mind. I walked over to the Clearwater's house (which was also my second home when dad got to drunk) but when I walked past Lee Loos' window I didn't recognise the girl I saw.

Sam had completely changed her. Her hair had grown out which I knew she hated but HE liked it. She had also taken out her purple highlights; I remembered hearing you took them out the day after Sam proposed to you so that you would look (in his word) presentable as his wife. The outfit you were wearing was so pink and frilly. Not like my Lee Loo at all.

Just the sight of that girl crying her eyes out sent me over the edge. I couldn't stop my body from shaking and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse I shook out of my skin. Suddenly I was standing on for legs looking at my Lee Loo.

A giant midnight black wolf emerged from behind me and dragged me in the forest.

"Paul its Sam. I'm the wolf you are looking at. I am also your Alpha!" "Fuck you Sam. I have to get to my Lee Loo!" I replied. "Paul you are not allowed to tell anyone about this secret unless you get permission from me!" a strange ripple went down my spine. "I'm sorry Paul but this is unavoidable its called the alpha command and you MUST follow it." Fine I wasn't going to tell anyone who would believe me anyway? Just tell me how to get back so I can go to Lee Loo."

I felt guilt and jealousy go through Sam's mind.

"You are not to go near or speak to Leah ever again. Unless she becomes a wolf."

The ripple once again went down my spine how dare that bastard! He's the reason she is currently throwing photos around her room whilst screaming bloody murder.

Come on leah get angrier just a little bit more. I encouraged her in my mind. I wanted, no I needed her to change into a wolf so I could talk and comfort my best friend. "sorry to tell you this Paul but girls cant be wolves... looks like your never talking to her again. By the way this is Jared." Jarrod's voice laughed in my mind. Just as I went to attack Sam for his trick. Sam spoke again, "Paul wolves cant attack their alpha. But I can see we are getting nowhere with me here so I will leave, Jarrod to explain everything to you. Especially imprinting."

I never thought that day would officially ruin my relationship with Lee Loo.

Months passed and I still had not said one word to Leah. I did come close once though.

**FLASH BACK.**

I was walking near the cliffs. When I heard the heart crushing sound of my Le... of Leah (Sam had alpha commanded me to never call her Lee Loo again) crying. I couldn't talk to her but I didn't want her to be alone. So I crept up as close as I could and hid behind a bush. What I saw broke my heart. There was my best friend sitting by the edge of the cliff crying. All I wanted to do was go up and talk to you but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't break the alpha commands. So I did the one thing I will never forgive myself for. I turned my back and walked away.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Once Leah phased I was so happy. I could finally talk to her. Unfortunately by this stage Sam had put so many commands on me I still couldn't talk to her. So I was forced to watch from afar. I was forced to watch Lee Loo harden and slowly disappear. Soon I discovered that there was a way to get around the commands all I had to do was insult or fight with you. So every chance I did fight with you. You never even noticed how I would distract you when Sam thought about Emily or when I knew you were about to cry. I'm sorry but it was the only way to help.

"If Seth can get over it why can't you?" hearing those words read out nearly killed me. I hated myself more in that moment than ever before. But more then that I hated Sam. I remember the day those words left my lips.

**FLASHBACK**

Sam and Emily were making out and Leah stared at them transfixed. When it became too much Leah quickly ran off and I followed her. "Leah I...I..." I couldn't say anything else. I was bound so tightly by the commands I felt like I was suffocating.

"Leah I? What Paul what? Are you going to start being nice to me now? Are you going to be here for me now? What about the day on the cliffs? Yes Paul I saw you that day. I thought my best friend was finally going to come and comfort me. I needed you and you weren't there. That day you stopped being my friend ". I couldn't say anything. So I tried giving you a hidden message just like we did when we were little. "If Seth can get over it why can't you?" you looked at me with such hatred and betrayal. Just then I heard Sam call for me so I turned my back and walked away.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

You didn't even realise I was trying to tell you to go speak to Seth. Because you to were always so close and at the time I thought he was the only one who could even try to understand what you were going through. At least that's what I thought .I was wrong the only one who knew the best was Jacob.

Seth's right I didn't notice how unworthy of you, your imprint was. I was so busy being torn. Torn between being hopeful that you can finally be happy and in love and angry that I still couldn't break the alpha commands binding me.

Now Lee Loo is gone and I can't get her back. I can't tell her all the things I wish I could. The moment she died so did I. I'm glad and thankful Jacob was there for her when I couldn't be. When Sam wouldn't let me.

I love you Lee Loo and I love you for being there for her Jacob.

I couldn't stand here looking at their faces or tears anymore. I couldn't look at Sam anymore. So I did the one thing Sam's alpha commands made me good at.

I turned my back and walked away.


	3. Jared aka breaking the imprint

Before I begin I just wanted to say thank you to everybody how has read this and reviewed.

Especially 19ADHD96, XxXSpirit of LaPushXxX and FantasyLover74 this is for you!

Unfortunately I don't own twilight. If I did I would have done the right thing and never let Bella and Edward reproduce! Just **EW**!

**Jared**

I never really liked Kim before I imprinted on her I mean I REALLY hated her. She was so annoying and stalkerish. Leah was the only one who knew how I felt. I always wished I could break the imprint and I tried to fight against it. Leah helped.

A few months before Leah phased Sam tried to make himself feel better so decided to tell Leah the truth about why he left her for Emily.

Before hearing this Leah was getting better slowly accepting that her relationship is over. But then Sam just had to drag her back down by telling her that it wasn't him. it was fate. Leah was right back to where she started but worse because Leah had to cope with the knowledge that fate chose not Sam. The result didn't change so all Leah was left with was the what if's. And that's what killed her and turned her bitter.

I was in the park when Leah walked up to me. "You don't love Kim do you?" "What? Of course I do. I mean um I-I-I I imprinted on her." I stumbled over my answer I couldn't lie to her for some reason. "Jared imprinting doesn't equal love. There's a difference."

I just couldn't look her in the eyes so we sat in silence for 15 minute

"I'm going to help you break it!"

"What?"

"Jared imprinting is the reason my heart is broken. I don't want the same thing to happen to you."

I dint want to but imprinting made me say, "what about Kim?"

Leah barked out a laugh. "Kim has always loved you have you ever seen her English book from last year? Its covered in your name and love hearts and for our free choice essay she decided to do it on why you are perfect for her. Its unhealthy and she needs to move on."

One small part of me wanted to defend Kim but the rest of me was so creeped out and never wanted to be tied to her forever.

"Ok. Lets do it, but how?"

Leah was silent but the sparkle in her eyes showed me she had a few ideas.

In the months following we tried a lot of different ways to break the tie.

We remembered learning that the imprinter is whatever the imprintee wants and so if Kim pushed me away and didn't want to date me or anywhere near her that would work the same as actually breaking the bond. But no matter what we did she just wouldn't give up on our... love.

When that plan failed we moved on to me being with other girls to help break it. But no matter how many girls I got with it never made a difference.

It was strange but Leah was always my wing women never one of the ladies I fell into bed with. Unlike like everyone thought. I did ask her why once and she just laughed and said, "Sorry buddy but my body is otherwise occupied" I didn't understand what she meant but shrugged it off and it was soon forgotten about. Leah was the best wing women ever! She told the best stories and never tried to steal the girls for herself.

Over the many attempts and many months we grew closer. I also noticed she was drifting further away from Paul and closer to Jacob.

Until Sam realized.

Not many people knew but the alpha command can effect peoples emotions as well as thoughts. As soon as Sam noticed what I have been trying to do. He put a stop to it and to my contact with Leah.

I felt like there was no one to turn to I couldn't tell Leah and Paul was so angry when he phased. That day I was such an ass I didn't want to be but Sam commanded me to treat him like that I always figured there had to be some important reason why he alpha commanded us way from Leah.

Then I realized the only reason was he was jealous. He still thought of Leah as his property. He couldn't handle the thought that Leah had contact with other males.

Months went by and none of us were happy not really. I mean Paul was so busy being angry at Sam and at all the command that kept him away from his 'Lee Loo'. But we had to pretend. Like I said alpha commands can manipulate your thoughts and feelings.

By the time Leah phased she had changed something about her was just gone, dead I didn't believe that Sam caused this pain but nothing else made sense.

The day I said "everyday pains" to Leah was one I'd regret for ever. We had been fighting. She tried to convince me not to give up hope and that we could try and break the imprint. I couldn't help the anger that came over me. But unlike Leah thought it wasn't anger at her. the anger was at Sam and the alpha commands that bound me so tight. It felt like I couldn't breath properly. I was under such strain I snapped.

Leah was angry all the time it was so easy to mercifully fight with her and that day she pushed me so much I couldn't handle it.

"Why do you think you get to complain Jared you get everything. The perfect life, the perfect girl you even get kids!"

"The perfect girl? You are kidding right Leah? Do you remember who that 'perfect' girl is?"

"Well lets change that Jared. Let try and break it just one more go."

Something in me snapped and an alpha command took hold. All I heard was Sam's voice "If she tries to convince you to break the imprint, verbally cause her as much pain as possible!" and so I did.

"God Leah you just don't get it! Nothing bad really happened to you went through ordinary pains!"

I watched Leah's angry scowl melt off her face and it was replaced with a face that looked so broken I wanted to kill myself for causing that to her.

Hearing Sam read out that letter and watching Paul walk away did something to me. These guys did not deserve what Sam put them through. What Sam made us put Leah through. One thing The rest of the guys didn't realise was that Sam knew about Leah's imprint and ordered her to stay with him and not fight back.

And so with as much strength and authority I could manage I turned to the man responsible for all the pain and suffering we went through. Leah went through. And said the word I knew would change everything. "Sam you are no longer alpha. I am!" and the ripple that went down my spine proved it.

Suddenly the alpha commands that held us all broke and the rush of emotions over took us all.

In my heart I felt something that gave me hope the imprint break crumble.

And I remembered the first alpha command ever placed on me... you are to imprint on kim!

A.N This chapter was so hard to stop writing so please tell me how I went! I know im not really focusing on the packs response to Jacob being dead but there is a reason... I think. I'm sure ill think of something but any ideas would be loved!


	4. Sam aka big bad alpha

SAM

I knew what the letter would say but I never thought that it would change so much.

The rest don't know this but when an alpha look at their pack member, a list of the alpha commands that person has on them plays in the alphas head. So on an ordinary day if I look at Quil, I see/hear; you are imprinted to Clair. You must never let Leah near Clair. You are not allowed to tell anyone about being a wolf unless you have my permission.

And when we are all in wolf form at the same time I can identify each group commands I have placed upon the guys.

You must never defend Leah in a fight unless it is against an enemy. You must treat Emily like she is you mother and always defend her especially against Leah. If you find out any secret you must tell me. It goes on and on each pack member has about 20-30 alpha commands on them and half of that they have been ordered to forget about with a few exceptions.

The alpha command is the single greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Not one person in the pack has actually imprinted. I was already cheating on Leah with Emily before I phased. Once I phased I made it my mission to find out everything I could about being a spirit wolf. One day I was going through this box of REALLY old paper when I saw the word. I suddenly had a great idea. With a little forgery I was able to come up with a full proof way to end things with Leah AND not get killed by the council.

And what do you know the stupid council believed it.

So that night I broke things off with LeeLee. Then i went straight to Emily to 'celebrate'. Emily did always hate her perfect second cousin.

Everything was going great then Jared phased. I knew I needed to gain control over him or he could try and overthrow me in order to be alpha. So I decided Jared would imprint too. I was going to make his imprint Lilly. This hot girl in his art class they always were close. Until I heard one particular thought from him, "Huh Leah was right he does have a small piece of equipment!"

It was then I decided to make him suffer. And I remembered that annoying Kim girl that followed him everywhere, what a perfect imprint for him. After a few more commands thing ran smoothly

Then Paul phased.

I always knew he was close to LeeLee but I put a stop to that. Even though Leah and I are over doesn't mean anyone else can have her either. She will always be my broken ex.

By the time I read that letter out Paul had 168 alpha commands binding him. Most to do with MY Leah.

It was around this time people started to choose Leah over MY Emily. So my brilliant Em changed that by grabbing a knife. Soon people stopped saying "poor Leah" and started saying. "Poor Emily she was mauled by a bear. Oh but look at Sam he is staying with her they must really be in love."

We decided to alpha command the pack into believing it was me who did it. The idiots believed me and then I realised I had even more control over these boys. Because I made them fear something. Themselves and the wolf that lives in them.

A few months had past and a few more guys had phased they weren't really threats to my position of power but I made them imprint just in case. Poor Quil I guess it wasn't fair that he imprinted on a baby but he did sleep with my mum so he needed some punishment. And waiting for 18 to have sex again seems like a good way!

I had also noticed that Leah and Jacob black had been betting close. I didn't like it no one should be like that with Leah MY Leah. But I knew he would phase soon and so would change that relationship soon.

When Jacob phased everyone knew he was the rightful alpha and I would have to give up my position. So 2 weeks after he had phased I asked him if he wanted to be alpha, he turned me down. Little did everyone know but I had already commanded Jacob to say no. Ha I can't believe they would think I would give up everything I had worked so hard to achieve.

Jacob's wolf proved to be harder to tame then anyone else's but I managed. I had to do something drastic to make sure he didn't go back near MY Leah. So he found himself hopelessly in love with Bella Swan.

I had everything in control until Leah screwed it up. When she phased I had to work hard to enforce some new commands on the rest of the pack. As for Leah I found I couldn't alpha command her completely but I could influence what she was feeling and she would listen to my commands sometimes as well. So I made her as angry and bitchy as possible.

Something was different with Leah when she phased. She was broken. Dead inside I was flattered to think I could have that effect on a girl.

Years went by and everything was perfect I took everything away from Leah. Her friend. her family everything. Yes alright I confess I may have had a tiny part in the death of Harry Clearwater. I won't go into specifics but even when he started eating healthy it didn't make a difference because a incredibly smart and sexy wolf aka me would inject pure cholesterol into his blood system. I know I'm a genius. But I refuse to share Leah with anyone!

The day Jacob broke off into his own pack I was grateful I had made nearly all the guys by that stage imprint because I had complete control over them, because who would leave their imprints? And promptly gave the command that Jacob Black is dead or at least be treated like that. But not Leah I knew I could torture her a bit more for choosing him over me.

I don't know how but I managed to command Leah that she had imprinted. Only the guy I chose was unbelievably strong and violent. So she suffered. Until Jacob black had to ruin my plan AGAIN!

Now they were both dead but that's ok we will mourn them and move on, at least that's what I thought until Jared turned to me and took what meant most to me in this world. My alpha position.

As I watched I noticed the alpha commands wearing off them. then all their eyes snapped to mine showing me nothing but hatred. So I ran!

A.N finished I'm so sorry if this chapter is confusing I had such a hard time writing it. Because all I wanted to say was I'm an idiot dog boy! I'm an idiot dog boy! Anyway if there are any questions or anything just let me know.

One more Chapter left who will it be?


	5. Seth aka the aftermath

A/N: So I'll admit it this is going to just be me having a sook. **So feel free to skip straight to the story.** It just that I've been posting like crazy lately new stories new chapters and I'm getting nothing back, no feedback, no favourites, no reviews nothing. I just want someone to review or write a comment. Is anyone actually reading anything? Do I suck? Is anyone out there?

Me: "Hello?"

*silence...*

Sorry as I said just a sook feeling a bit alone and unloved at the moment but I'm going to keep posting maybe someday someone will love me.

In saying that to every single person who has reviewed, followed, favourite whatever. Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! I will keep writing for you guys!

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FINAL CHAPTER. (This is my first ever story and I think it's time to put it to bed).

Seth's POV

It's been just over a year since Leah's and Jake's death and I wrote that letter and let's just say in that time La Push has gone bat crap crazy.

Jared is still alpha. It took us all ages to figure out how that was able to happen and it wasn't until we got so desperate for answers on what's true about werewolves and what's not considering Sam pretty much lied about everything we thought to be true. We took to going to the library daily and scouring dusty books with the earliest entries about La Push history. At the start we tried using the internet but each time got so distracted reading all the lies written about werewolves and vampires. So we stuck to books. And there was only one plausible answer in all of them and that was as Sam's beta Jared would have taken control if Sam could no longer do it and so seeing the pack fall apart (in the form of Paul walking away) that Jared's wolf recognized the alpha was no longer fit to be in control and so his self preservation skills kicked in.

As for Sam and Emily well they are in jail now after they got out of hospital. No one quite expected billy to pack such a punch...

**FLASHBACK**

Paul's POV

In the distance I could hear Jarrod's voice, "Sam, you are no longer alpha I am." Suddenly a pain shot through my chest. This is it I must be dying, my heart was pounding twice as fast as normal, and breathing became hard. I broke out in a heavy sweat.

I could hear Sam's voice in my head faintly whispering things over and over commands so many commands. All being lifted. I was rooted to the spot I couldn't move then as the last of the commands were breaking I felt a heavy weight bump into me and fall down.

No not a weight a person... Sam. And suddenly I knew.

Before the others could catch him I reached down and grabbed him around the neck lifting him up off his feet and slowly squeezing the life out of him, making him choke and fight for every breath just making him feel just like I did under all the commands. But this was to tame for the amount of pain and suffering he had inflicted on everybody especially MY Leeloo.

So I dropped him to the ground and waited for him to move he soon rolled over and got on his hands and knees I immediately started kicking him in the stomach. Over and over again. I could actually hear each individual rib crack and break. It made me feel marginally better. But all too soon the others caught up. Damn there goes my fun.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Seth POV

When we recovered from our shock and crippling grief and pain we found Sam getting the kick crapped out of him by Paul. Jarrod automatically ordered Paul to stop and the rest of us not to attack. Even in that moment amongst all that emotion Jarrod realized that physical wasn't the right way to handle such a significant breach of both tribal and criminal law.

And so we carried Sam to Billy's. as it turned out he already knew about Jacob and Leah. So we explained what Sam and Emily had done.

Moments later whilst all us wolves were outside calming down we heard a series of thuds and Sam screaming. Running inside we saw Billy In front of the couch beating Sam with a solid metal bar over and over again. None of us had the heart to stop Billy a man who had lost a son, a best friend and someone who he thought of as a daughter.

And so by the time Chief Swan came Sam was so badly injured that even with wolf healing he had to stay in hospital for 3 weeks, (and in that time chief swan had compiled all the evidence he needed to convict both Sam and Emily of murder) before he could be taken to prison where he is to stay until he dies.

Emily didn't escape either. Billy had given Mum a quick rundown on the events while we were outside. Emily came away with a broken arm, three fractured ribs. One broken leg, two black eyes and some general cuts and bruises courtesy of Sue Clearwater.

I'd like to say I got a few hits in but I didn't. I felt guilty as hell for that for a week before mum told me she was proud of me for that. Her actual words were, "your soul is to pure to taint with meaningless violence."

I guess I'd have to say the other major change in La Push is Paul's role in the community. He is now next in line to be Chief of the tribe and alongside Billy has been making changes to both modernise our reservation whilst continuing with certain traditions. Our reservation has never been as prosperous both spiritually and financially as it is right now.

Within our pack we no longer strictly rely on what our alpha tells us, (Even though Jarrod is an exceptional alpha) instead we compile what we know researched and talk it out and writing it down in a large book so future generations won't have to face the same pain we have gone through. Hopefully.

So as I was saying its been nearly a full year and today every single wolf member is gathered at my house because Sue has left us with one job. Something both mum and I have attempted to do over the past few months but have given up time and time again...

Emptying Leah's room. But today we have to Sue has begged us too.

So we all stand around holding our breath as we slowly open her door. Its creaks from disuse. And one by one we enter. It looks exactly the same as just with a layer of dust covering everything. And so we start to gently sort everything and pack it away. It's slow work. None of us want to disturb or damage her belongings. Even her trash bin is handled with the gentlest of care.

And just as we are about don't I find a piece of paper poking out from the side of her favourite book and there at the top of the page reads,

"Dear Pack"

A/N: I know! This was meant to be the last chapter but I couldn't I think Leah's side in this needs to be a chapter all to herself and so keep checking ill be posting it within the next few days I'm not sure maybe it will be in an hour. But let me know and as I said at the top sorry for whining and for those who have commented and stuck with this story THANK-YOU and plllleeeeaaassseeee let me know if there is any question you have you'd like me to answer in the next and I promise final chapter!


	6. Leah aka The End

A/N: tried to post this as soon as I was finished at 1:18 am but this site had other ideas.

So this is it the end... Kinda. For anyone who has read the review section Almondbutter had a great idea for an alternative ending so I'm just finishing them off. And I will be posting them but only as alternatives this is the actual ending that I had planned for. If that makes sense. And guys any requests or ideas or alternatives don't be afraid to pitch me an idea. I may not write all of them but I will let you guys knows.

I'd just like to say thank you for everyone's feedback and support for this story I hope I don't disappoint.

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Dear Pack.

I'm not dumb or clueless. And I don't blame any of you for your behaviour or the words you've thrown at me. I pity you. I know that you can't control it. You think I don't know when someone's under and alpha command? So I want you guys to know it's alright, I forgive you.

I also think that since I'll be dead when you read this. It's time you knew my story. All of it.

So I'll admit back before I was smart enough to know any better. Before I knew what true love was, I thought I loved Sam I really did. Until he left me for Emily.

At the time I was hurt but it was strange I thought it would hurt more like my life was over but it didn't, I mean he was I boy. I could get passed it eventually. However if I'm being honest what hurt the most was the knowledge that I allowed myself to change everything for a boy. I was more hurt over the loss of the real Leah than the loss of Sam. And just as I was starting to get me back I saw Paul my best friend hanging out with Sam. That killed me (I'm sorry if this hurts you Paul I understand now and I love you) mainly because I believed it was proof of how much I'd changed I mean my best friend didn't even want me anymore.

God it feels good to finally admit I wasn't heartbroken over losing Sam. You've all believed otherwise for too long.

It wasn't until one day weeks later when Jake stopped by to visit Seth for the first time since I wake up from my 'Sam coma' that I knew I'd be alright.

After the Jake started hanging around me more or maybe it was me hanging around him more I don't know. I pushed him away over and over again so scared id lose myself again, but he kept coming back for more with a smile in his face. Over time he seemed to pass that smile on to me. Without me even realizing it. Jacob helped me he rebuilt my heart and trust. Cheesy and sloppy I know but it's the truth.

I had forgotten about Sam but I still wasn't ready to take thing to the relationship level with Jake yet. I truly didn't know why not . Until Sam came over to 'ease' his guilt the only way he knew how. by telling me all about his imprint and how it wasn't him it was fate. I suppose I could deal with that, I mean at the time I thought it was pathetic trying to use tribal legend that wasn't even true. But once he revealed he was with Emily before we broke up, whilst they tried to figure out how to tell me.

I had a sudden realization that I wasn't good enough. For anyone.

And so I was back to pushing Jake away. More persistent then ever. All the while secretly hoping he would push back and maybe finally convince me that I was just Leah and that was enough, Like he did every single time before my talk with Sam.

*FLASHBACK*

I was lying on the couch watching TV. When the door swung open and in walked Jake. I lost my breath for a few seconds I'd never admit it but I always did when I looked at him.

He walked around the back of the couch and stood in front of me, just staring at me. I glanced down to see what was wrong? I was simply wearing black yoga pants and a white T-shirt I couldn't figure what was so special or bad. They were both reasonably clean, no food crumbs or stains. What was going on.

I sat up and clicked in front of his face a few time, "Jake. Hello earth to Jacob!" he snapped out of it grabbing my clicking hand and falling on the couch next to me. And began watching TV.

"I have to say something to say!" He announced during a commercial break, he then leaned forward to actually turn the TV off.

Turning to me he gently covered my mouth with one hand. "Leah I need you to listen to me and not interrupt ok? " I nodded my head and he lowered his hand and grabbed both my hands in his. "Seeing you today took my breath away. I mean it's just you, I never thought I'd feel this way and the truth is I wasn't sure I wanted to. Especially not with someone who is as stubborn, hard headed, hurt and cynical as you."

"God Jake, thanks" I deadpanned before he dropped one of my hands and placed his back over my mouth.

"I haven't finished yet Leah. I also never thought it'd be with someone so breathtakingly beautiful. I never thought someone who looked like you would give me chance. But you did. I mean I have to scratch and fight you every step. But I wouldn't have it any other way. And just seeing you today with no makeup, hair not done in sweats and still managing to make me nervous and comfortable all at the same time. I just know for sure. I love you."

He looked into my eyes for the longest time searching for an answer. I don't know what he saw in them because all I knew was I was staring back from what appeared to be the end of a long black tunnel. Breathing became hard, as I began gasping for air through the sobs that seemed to be stuck in my throat. I finally noticed that my cheeks were soaking wet. I wanted to get out of here I had to. In one sentence Jake became an enemy. I slipped from the couch falling to my knees on the floor.

His small smile quickly faded, "Lea? Leah? Baby are you ok?" he removed his hand from my mouth and quickly wrapped his arms around me. "I'm sorry I know this is sudden but just seeing you tying there I couldn't stop..."

"Take it back" I whispered barely audible to even me.

"What's that lea?"

"Take it back. Take it back! Take it back!"my voice rose each time louder and louder until it became an inhuman screech. "TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK!" I began beating on his chest repeating my plea over and over until my voice finally gave out.

"Please" I breathed.

The room was silent for so long I thought he'd left.

Until I felt him gently reached out and turned me around to look at him, "No."

He simply said, slowly bringing my mouth closer to his. And just before our lips met my palm reached his cheek, SMACK.

He jerked back suddenly. "God danm it Leah! What's wrong with you? Why can't you just be happy? Why cant you let yourself be happy. When will you see I don't want anything from you. Except your love and I don't want you any other way. You will never have to change. Just trust."

His chest was rising and falling rapidly with the amount of passion he held in his voice.

"Because no one wants only that." Was my only reply, he rapidly stood up running his hand through his hair.

"I can't do this right now." He murmured heading towards the door. It wasn't until he was half way through the door he turned to me, "I do and I will never stop trying to prove that to you, this isn't me running away I will be back."

*END OF FLASH BACK*

Only he never came back. The next time I saw him he was with Sam.

I don't know why I reacted the way I did maybe it was the blind fear?

I had never hated myself as much as I did in those first few days of seeing them walk down the main road together. I had pushed away the only person in the world that didn't want anything in return. This is where it stops making sense because the truth was I was angry at Jake. It felt as if once again I wasn't enough ( I know I've probably said that 100 times so far but I just want you boys to understand the true meaning behind my sadness. Which was not Sam!).

I ran as fast as I could to the cliffs. I fell over right before the edge. I started sobbing. I truly was going to jump but I knew I'd never be at peace until I said the words I wanted to say since the day Jake said them to me. But every time I tried more sobs broke free. It was then I heard rustling behind me. I wasn't sure who it was so I waited for them to approach me, they never did.

So I turned only to find my best friend looking at the ground trying to say something, anything. Paul I saw in that moment your breaking point. You never were the same again. I have to say though the only thing that stopped me from killing myself was you. Seeing you walk away thinking it was the last time you'd ever see me alive looking so defeated. I knew that it wasn't enough to say those words to thin air. I needed to say them to him.

I ran top speed through the sudden down pour to Jake's house. He wasn't there so I searched the entire La Push. I never saw him that day. I did find him eventually though.

The very next time I saw Jake there he was in his garage flirting with Bella. And whilst I was watching from afar I felt my heart break as it never had before and I knew that I loved Jake as I had no one else before. And I thought he felt the same way.

Then came my transformation. We all know the story but I will tell you one thing I kept hidden. Right before I transferred my dad had said. "I don't even know who you are anymore Leah".

And after I transformed mum and Seth had both left the room, I managed to transform back to human for a few seconds, just enough to say, "me either" and watch his eyes clothes one last time.

I was so angry over the loss of my dad, my humanity, my future children, my choices I would have lashed out anyway but there I was surrounded by the people who had betrayed me the worse, so this is my sorry for those harsh words, many were associated with Sam's command but not all of them.

Overtime things got worse, the pain, self hatred grew. Seeing how happy everyone was whilst I wasn't there, coupled with seeing everybody who had ever claimed to "love" me happier with someone else. A part of me was never to same.

Sam once described me as being dead inside. And that's what I was, every single type of person I had ever been or tried to be had never been good enough and so I could no longer stand to be that weak and so I stopped being anything other than angry I no longer had any thoughts outside of anger no personality no feelings.

And so Sam had trouble commanding me because how could you command Leah when really no one not even I knew who Leah really was? All I was an emotion, anger so he could manipulate that, but again he didn't have to do much. The anger was always there Sam just redirected it. You see I was never angry at you guys it was always, ALWAYS at me. I had such a bone deep anger and hatred for myself.

I know you may be confused I mean didn't he command me to imprint? Yeah he did. From what I can gather a few things had changed.

Jake had formed his own pack and lost a few of the commands Sam had over him. Some not all whilst Sam remained alpha some commands would always linger over Jake.

The biggest thing that changed me was when Edward left Bella. Gosh I'd love to be there to see your faces after that comment. Let me explain. When we watched Bella be a zombie in Jakes eyes. I was disgusted not at her at myself. After all Bella was a reflection of me after I lost Sam and Jacob. Of course I 'functioned' better then Bella, I mean I wasn't a zombie but really we were the same we let a boy define us. So when the boy left we didn't know who were outside of them.

It was then I realized why I pushed Jacob away all those times. Why I could never let him all the way in. At that stage there was no, 'all the way in' because there was no Leah. I made it my mission to establish myself as Leah with no boy doing it for me.

I tried new foods, read all different types of books and movies, painted wrote. Everything to figure out my likes and dislike. My beliefs and morals. My personality. Me.

So there was an actual person in my body when it came time for Sam to place an imprint on me.

I will spare you guys all the details. But you probably know that he wasn't good to me. He was a violent man. Who knew enough about us to know weapons were needed.

I knew since breaking away from Sam, Jake and I became 'friends' again. I thought that was all we would ever be. And whilst that hurt I knew I could live. Besides I was imprinted and I as much as he hurt me I couldn't break away. One day Jake swears it was by accident but I doubt it. He 'stumbled' across me in the forest as I was phasing to my wolf hoping my latest lot of injuries would heal faster. Something broke in Jakes eyes as he took in the cuts bruises and god knows what else my imprint left on me.

That night will forever be one of my most precious memories so I won't tell all of you every detail. I want at least one secret. Since you are going through my room. Ha-ha.

But I will say we laid in each other's arm right there in the forest until ever injury healed.

It was after that night the beating got worse but also that's the point when certain things about being a wolf stopped making sense and I started to work out Sam's commands not just on myself but the whole pack.

Then one night my imprint killed me.

He plunged a kitchen knife straight into my arm simply because his team lost the super bowl. Instead of pulling it out and letting me heal he left it in there and I was incapable of fighting him off. Eventually my healing tissue and skin shattered the blade inside my arm. It was then he allowed me to leave. So I ran straight to Jacob. Every step there seemed to suck the energy right out of me and by the time I broke through the tree line my steps were so slow as was my breathing. The last image I had before my eyes shut was of Jake bursting out his front door and running to me.

A piece of blade had lodged its self into my heart and Jake had to cut me open and remove it so the healing could take place.

It was then I decided to do the impossible and kill my imprint. I snuck out of Jake's house while he was asleep. I went back to him. With a knife determined to kill him with it. As I approached him asleep in the arm chair my hands began shaking I raised the knife high over my head and froze completely a part of me wanted to do it so badly but at the same time the imprint was proving equally as strong. Then he woke up. The amount of pain he put me through in that beating was worse than ever.

I was lying on the floor motionless, bleeding out with a whole set of kitchen knives imbedded in my skin. With him hovering over me a railroad spike in one hand a hammer in the other lining up to put it through my forehead when Jake came bursting through the door.

I can't give details of what happened next. All you need to know is the pain of losing an imprint whether they are real or not is indescribable I think the railroad spoke would have hurt less.

And so we have returned here one last time. I can't live with this pain and Jake refuses to live without me. I told him all about my epiphany that he just will have to learn who Jacob is outside of a girl like I had. He just chuckled "I know who Jacob is without you Lea, but he's happier with you. So that's where I will stay." And for once I just can't seem to push him away so I won't because whilst I can live without a boy, Leah is happier and better with Jacob as well.

We have to be quick in case Sam finds out about my imprints death. Jacob has just left the room so I will finish up now. You guys just deserved an explanation.

So here's the very last thing I want you guys to know. I haven't said it yet but I will die utterly at peace, I plan on my very last words being ones I've struggled to say all this time,

Love Leah

P.S. I Love you guys and I forgive you all please forgive yourselves as well.

*FLASHBACK*

"You ready Lea?" Jake asked poking his head through my door.

"Yeah." I murmured sealing the letter I had just written and placing it inside my favourite childhood book. Seth would find it I was sure. I stood up and left my room taking one last look around before gently closing the door.

And off we walked holding hands with me feeling a little guilty. We had decided to not include the full truth into the letter. You see the pain of killing your imprint hurts for only a couple of seconds. The reason I had decided to jump off a cliff was because somehow, somewhere my imprint had gotten his hands on vampire venom and one of the knives he used in my final beating was coated in it. I am going to die regardless. But I decided I wouldn't let my imprint kill me again.

This time Leah would finally have some control over her life. Even if it was just her ending.

I couldn't tell the pack this. I knew them they would all feel so guilty for not noticing and stopping the beatings before it got that point, I couldn't do that to them. I'd put them through enough. So I lied.

We arrived at the cliffs. "Are you ready Leah?" Jacob turned to look at me. "Yes I am." I replied.

"One last thing then lea." And with that he kissed me with such passion I could physically feel his love.

We broke apart and still holding hands we ran towards the edge and didn't stop. We flew over the edge; we hit the water as one and held each other close till the very end. With my last words hanging in the air and setting me free and putting a smile on jakes face even after his last breath escaped. "I LOVE YOU JACOB!"

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A/N: Done and with the longest Chapter I have ever written. Wow that was harder then I thought to find an ending I was happy with. To be honest this story changed so much from my original plans I had for it so please don't be afraid to leave a comment or even a PM they make my da


	7. Alternative Chapter 1

A/N: Almondbutter came up with this idea in the Reviews. I appreciate every one of you and so if any reader has any ideas whether it's to change a story or you have a story idea please let me know and we'll see what I can do. So Almondbutter this is for you hope you like it.

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Leah POV:

After hitting the water I held on tight to Jake with all the strength I possess. After a few moments my lungs started burning. But I refused to swim to the surface, refused to fight my instincts. Slowly I felt my eyes begin to close, but even then, in my final seconds I stared into Jacob's eyes until I could no longer do anything. And I began to drift off.

And in the depth of that darkness I felt a strong arm wrap around my torso and yank me upwards.

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Unknown POV:

I smirked as I saw those two little shape shifters jump off that cliff. As soon as I heard that girl proclaim her love. My little smirk turned into a full on smile. Of course these young children would throw away their gifts for something as simple as 'love'.

Do they even think for a second, about us the true children of the moon? We have spent hundreds of years having NO control. None over, when we change, how we act when we change and when to end it.

In any form we cannot kill ourselves, there is one thing that will kill us and that's being stabbed in the heart by a vampire.

Years back the leaders of the vampire world declared war on us. During that time many of us were killed. Those of us who are left were quite young at the time, and so we hid. At the time we couldn't understand how that many of us got trapped and killed. But now hundreds of years we understand, they intentionally got killed. There's only so many things you can live through and how many friends you can watch die before you give up.

We have gone many times to ask the leaders to finish the last of us off. But they refused and now? Well just to further punish the last of us they have forbid any vampire from killing us. So what rights do these lucky little shape shifters have to just jump off a cliff and end it that easily.

With a nod of my head one of my men dived after them and grabbed them out of the water. Oh how cute they came up intertwined together.

You may think we are cruel and twisted but we were going to take these two till the edge of death have them fight to live and then snap their little necks. Why? Well its simple really they have everything we wished for and the thought they would throw that away makes us furious and so they must pay. I mean what other excitement are hundred plus old werewolves going to do with their existence?

For a few years we were tracking and taking down vampires hoping to provoke them. But let's face it as fast as we could kill them they could create them. and regardless of who we killed they wouldn't kill us.

Suddenly my second in charge nudged me, "smell her."

He always did have the best nose. So lent in closely, and began to laugh. Oh so it wasn't love coursing through that little she wolf's veins was vampire venom.

"Oh this will be an interesting story indeed. Move him away and let's wake her up." I exclaimed happily. I approached her crouching by her side I gently slapped her across the cheek until she started to stir.

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It took the little girl a few hours to explain the whole story and I have to say I haven't been that entertained in at least a decade. I truly felt sorry for both the girl and boy. And so my pack and I did something, something we haven't done in 50 years, we showed compassion.

Some things were better left forgotten, and how we wish there was something out there that could help forget some of our horrors.

So leaning towards I begin to bite her neck gently and in the process leaving behind my venom. Which will not only wipe her memory and it is also, the only know antidote to vampires poison. And then I walked over to the boy and bit him too.

The rest of the boys looked confused. I simply smiled at them, "Make yourself comfy boys we are sticking around, this should be entertaining." So we walked away a short distance where we would be able to make a short term shelter. Whilst still being able to witness the two little shape shifters. This should keep me entertained for a few days.

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Urgh my head. What? Where am I? I slowly blinked my eyes. I have to figure this out. I looked around. Ok so I know for sure that I'm in a forest. Somewhere. I decided to try and have a look around.

I started to try and stand but was stopped by a warm weight across my stomach. I turned my head suddenly. And felt a sharp pain in the side of my neck, reaching up I felt a weird raised area pulling my hand down I noticed blood on my fingers. I filed that away as another mystery for me to solve.

I looked over at the thing holding me down only to notice it wasn't a what but a whom.  
>I caught myself staring at this man's face he must be at least 25. Which means i must be around 25? He was also very good looking with, full plump lips, sharp jaw, straight nose and the longest lashes. Why was he here? Why was I here? Who was he? Who was I? Every time I tried to put a name to something or think about what happened there's a block I don't know who I am, how old am I where I came from? Why am I here? And who is this man?<p>

My mind was spinning; I gently lifted this man's arm off of me and began trying to stand. I looked around and not one single thing here looked familiar.

All I knew was that whoever I was, I'm in trouble...

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A/N: First chapter done. What do you think? I'm just going to put it out here. I actually don't know how this is going to work at like almost all of my stories but this may be about 3-4 chapters.


	8. Alternative Chapter 2

A/N: it's been a while I know. But I've just had to take a step back and plan where I was going with this but I know now so enjoy:

NOT THE LAST CHAPTER! sorry for any confusion.

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Leah POV:

It's been two days since I woke up on a forest floor, with a strange but handsome man and absolutely no memory. The first day I was completely alone the man never woke up. So I tried to climb the tallest tree to see if I could try to see if we were near a town or people. But when I got to the top in every direction all I could see was trees and more trees there was no sight of people anywhere.

I tried to see if I could remember anything from my past but it was like trying to get passed a brick wall. I did however figure out that I must be some type of nature expert. Without realizing it I managed to build a stable shelter and gather some assorted berries, my first clue of my knowledge came when I picked up a pink berry but somehow just know it was poisonous. The other clue came when I absentmindedly used a rock to sharpen the tip of a stick into a point with such sure hands I must have done it multiple times before.

Around nightfall I heard a stick snap, I know it seems weird that one single snap in a forest of noise would grab my attention. But my instincts told me what to do. Before I could register I threw the sharpened stick with such assurance I hit the deer and it was dead within seconds.

Just as I was cooking the meat and marvelling over my own innate skill I heard movement behind me. Accompanied by a low groan, just like with the hunting skill my body reacted with this sound, my heart began to race a little bit. But not in fear, something else.

I kept my back to the man to give him some privacy, "hey you, what did you do to me? Who are you? Who am I?"

That made me freeze he didn't remember either? I was hoping he would be able to tell me. I turned to face this man, and my breath stopped in my throat. And my cheeks felt very warm. He was very tall and had huge muscles that once again made my heart race. But his boyishly cute face scrunched up in confusion was such a nice contradiction to his body that for some reason I took a step closer to this person, "um I don't know, I woke up and we where her I don't know who you are or who I am."

I'm not sure if he heard I word I said he seemed to be staring at my face, transfixed. I quickly carried on talking, "if you want to see yourself there's a stream over there."

He only nodded his head and without a word walked over to the stream. I turned back to the meat I had cooking to let him look at his face for the first time knowing how weird and personal it was.

I heard him whistle low under his breath, "So what have you got over there?" I turned just in time to see him walking towards me, only to have his foot catch in a underground burrow and twist inhumanly as he fell.

Once again my instinct kicked in and I hurried over to him before I knew it I had him lying on his back with two sticks either side of his late tying them tightly. Preventing him from moving.

I came back to my senses in time to realize I was touching a boy that in all likelihood could be the person who put me here. To cover my nervousness I began fidgeting and checking all the knots id made. His hands came down upon mine.

"It's ok, it doesn't hurt so badly now, but is there any chance I can have some of that food you were cooking?" I was so grateful he mistook my nervousness' for concern I simply nodded and walked over to the deer and pulled some meat off of it carrying it over to the man. Although now he's awake and I've heard him talk I don't think he's as old as he looks.

As we ate we talked about what I had discovered so far I let him know my observations from the top of the tree, and that I know a lot about survival.

"This is weird not knowing my name isn't it?" he proclaimed suddenly.

"Yeah especially when the only company you have doesn't know it either." I remarked

"Well we have nothing else to do lets try and guess, surely if we heard our name we'd know?"

It made sense and he was right we weren't doing much else. "Ok me first um.. Ryan?"

"Hmm Ryan, Nah. What about Amy"

My body didn't react to that name at all

"No, Troy?"

"Nah, Tiffany"

"Definitely no, Michael."

Back and forth we went over and over. A few names came up where my body responded but it was in like anger not what I think it would do if it heard my name, until we came across 'Lilly' I knew somehow it wasn't exaqct but we agreed on it. I did stumble across his name as it turns out he recognises Jakobe. Lilly and Jakobe. I'm a little jealous he discovered what his name is but that doesn't mean he's any close finding out who he is.

"So what are we going to do to get out of here?" Jakobe asked later that night.

"Well maybe I could start walking and see what I find?"

But Jakobe didn't seem to like that idea, "what leave me here how will you find me again? I know you won't like this, but we have no idea which direction to go, and no way to find our way back. So why don't we stay her until I can walk again, in the meantime we will try to find out whom we are."

I thought it over as much as I didn't know who Jakobe was or what role he played in getting me here I do know I've got no one else.

I nodded my head.

Later that night when we were lying together trying to get to sleep I was thinking things over. "you know something? Jakobe is too long to old fashion I think I like Jake better." As I said it out loud my heart seemed to clench together.

Jake rolled over looking at me with half closed eyes, "you know something? I think Jake is perfect."


End file.
